Please sign in Here

warning  Welcome to , You are not logged in. If you have not registered yet, please click here. Alternatively log into your account now.




Post new topic   Reply to topic    The Black Duck Forum Index -> Funny n Weird
Enunciation is Really Important
View next topic
View previous topic
Post new topic   Reply to topic  The Black Duck Forum Index Funny n Weird
Author Message

Joined: Oct 11, 2011
Posts: 256
Location: Lake Charles, LA
PostPosted: Fri Aug 04, 2017 7:19 am Reply with quote

A couple of years ago, soon after the Slingshot was introduced, I was heavily infected with Slingshot lust. I really wanted one and I was always gushing on and on about them to my wife Luann. She thought they looked cool, but she was not on-board with the idea of buying one. Especially after the little episode I'm about to relate to you. Luann worked in the surgery unit in a large hospital. She came home one day and I asked how her day was. As I recall, the conversation went as follows:

Luann: "It was great! You know those Polish Sling-thingies you like?

Me: “Polaris Slingshot. Yeah, what about them?”

Luann: "Well, I was first surgical assist on this guy that was life-flighted in after an accident in one of those."

Me: "He wrecked a Slingshot?"

Luann: “Yeah, totaled it is what we heard.”

Me: "Oh, Man! I hope he was okay."

Luann: "He'll live, but we had to do a baloney amputation on him. It was my first time assisting on one of those. Really interesting."

Me: "OHHHH!! A BALONEY amputation?!? I don't want to hear about that! Why would you tell me that?!"

[At this point, I was a bit offended by Luann's use of slang terminology for this procedure, but I let it go.]

Luann: "What? It's not all that uncommon. He'll get a prosthetic and he'll live a pretty much normal life."

Me: "WHAT?! A prosthetic for that?! WHY? So his girlfriend will still be happy?"

Luann: "His girlfriend?? Ummm...I think she'd be okay with it. I wouldn't care if you had a baloney prosthetic."

Me: "STOP!! I don't want to think about that!"

Luann: "Dude it’s not that bad! The technology for prosthetics has really advanced. After he gets used to it, it will probably even feel normal to him. And no one else will even know he has it unless he shows them....or, I guess if he's wearing shorts..."

Me: "FEEL NORMAL? How could it feel normal to....Wait... It'll show if he's wearing shorts? How long is the thing!?"

Luann: "Well, each one is custom fit, but his will be about 36 centimeters."

Me: "In inches. How many inches is that?"

Luann: "Just over 14 inches."

Me: "STFU!!! Bullshit! Why would they make it 14 freakin' inches long?! His girlfriend's idea? I'm sure she would be happy with that!"

Luann: "Well, it has to be the same length as what we removed or he'll have trouble walking, and it could mess up his spinal alignment and cause back problems."

Me: [Rendered temporarily speechless, with a look of stunned disbelief on my face.]

Me: "OK......I get it.... you're messing with me. You're messing with me."

Luann: "What are you talking about? I'm not messing with you."

Me: "You are, because nobody's got a 14 inch dick. And nobody needs a 14 inch prosthetic replacement dick. And shouldn't you use the correct terminology? Shouldn't you call it a 'penile amputation' or something like that and not a 'baloney amputation'? That's just crude. Why do girls always have to go there??"

Luann: [Absorbs what I just said for a moment with blank face.] Then:


Me: "Why are you laughing?! It's not funny!"

Luann: "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! 'baloney amputation' [gasp] SO [gasp]AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! SO [gasp] STUPID!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

Me: "What The Hell?! Why is this funny to you? The guy lost his dick, Luann. That’s not funny – women always want to make jokes about that but it’s not funny!"

Luann: "OMG you're an [gasp] idiot! Hahahahahaha! I wasn't saying 'baloney amputation'! I was saying 'below knee amputation'. We amputated his leg below the knee! Hahahahaha! Why do guys always have to go there?!"

Me: Oh... Well..... ENUNCIATION, Luann. You need to enunciate.

Luann: “Hahahahahaha!” [Imitating me with a deep voice] “ENUNCIATION, Luann. You need to enunciate so I don’t think that a guy got his junk cut off from a Slingshot accident”.

Also Luann: [For the next 4 hours] "Hahahahahaha!!! Hahahahahaha!Hahahahaha!"

View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Display posts from previous:       

Post new topic   Reply to topic  The Black Duck Forum Index Funny n Weird

 Jump to:   

View next topic
View previous topic
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum

Theme design by PHP Nuke Clan Themes © 2011
Forums ©

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of their respective owner. The comments are property of their posters, all the rest © 2011 by me.

You can syndicate our news using the file backend.php.

Distributed by Raven PHP Scripts
New code written and maintained by the RavenNuke™ TEAM